guarigione [cowt | week 05 | M2]

[hannyakoma]

Prompt: Solitudine
Word count: 1421
Rating: sfw
Fandom: Originale
Note: i Sievert sono sempre personcine felici, mi dicono.

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When you lived a life where the minimum sign of weakness might mean ridicule at best and torture at worst, you shouldn’t be that surprised to have a very messed up sleeping schedule as the most basic of your problems.

Freyr surely knew it.

Usually it’s still night when he wakes up, after a few hours of blissful sleep. Rarely he wakes up later than five, even rarer is him opening his eyes after seven. Depending on the case, he might find Irina already awake in their shared room, or in the attached bathroom they have there.

Normally, he gives her her space (and not only because the woman is able to destabilize him on a deep, personal level) and in exchange she doesn’t bother him too much, aside from the usual teasing. Also, they both try to avoid the issue they share.

Freyr Sievert and Irina Horn got married in November 1997, mostly due to convenience than any form of affection. They came from certain situations and that was a good solution, so they grabbed it. Nothing more, nothing less. The fact that they consumed their marriage, with their mind quite at ease, was also to be expected: sex felt good for both of them and it was probably the quickest (and sanest) way to let off some steam.

His family, if so Freyr could call it, was already a trainwreck to begin with, so he didn’t bother him too much. Not even when Irina got pregnant.

Admittedly, he didn’t put too much thought on it: even in the early stages, his wife seemed already too moody to argue with her about the pregnancy. And even if he rationally knew he couldn’t be a good father, especially considering the two other fatherly figures he had known (and let’s be honest here, Jakob and Siegfried were not the best references), Freyr had kept his mouth shut and instead focused on his nephew’s training.

Which, really, isn’t something he’s very proud of in the present.

There have been many problems he had to face, from the (definitive, he supposed at the time) disappearance of his older brother to the responsibilities of suddenly becoming the head of the family business (he cursed and cursed, especially his mother and his father second, for choosing assassination as that).

The pressure begun crushing him when he began to feel useless, incompetent. Especially towards the people he wanted to impress the most.

His nephew first—he was so, so similar to Siegfried that it irritated him to madness. Yvan was the spit image of his father when he was young, but without the ice Freyr saw in his glare every time their eyes met; Yvan’s eyes were his mother’s, kind and patience and so full of (justified) terror whenever he stared at his uncle. And, most of all, he was totally unfit for that business, mentally—he didn’t want to put any effort in his training, neither.

That, possibly, irritated Freyr even more.

He couldn’t get neither his brother nor his nephew to acknowledge him and his role, not through normal means. And while Yvan finally started to after a while (fear induced submission, one could say), Siegfried didn’t. Wouldn’t. He never bothered to even try.

That is a kind of loneliness any human should experience.

He tried to face it, put up a brave and nonchalant front for everyone—he failed.

He tried to make someone understand how he felt, bringing him to his same level—yet, he still failed.

When Yvan managed to escape from his grasp, too, Freyr decided he was tired. Of everything.

Then, when he began thinking about ending that useless struggle, out of nowhere came Ravenna—who appeared one day, took everything he based his life on and literally overturned it. That might say much about the values he had considered important, but the two of them didn’t have the strength to blame him for those mistakes.

Point is. Freyr, being a firm believer of the “hide your problems until you forget them and refuse to deal with them unless forced to” theory, simply prefers assisting others’ issues more than his own. So, since the time he got a little back to his better senses (with quite some effort), he decided to take a step forward the people he used to despise so easily before.

And, moreover, he started trying to set things right once and for all.

It had been a long time since he managed to frankly speak his mind with someone in his family, Xylia most of all. The woman—which he treated as bad as her son, possibly—was wary of him at first, but soon enough managed to make him feel at least a bit comfortable in the spaces they shared.

The presence of Xylia herself has always been a warm and welcoming one, even though he failed to notice before. It's no wonder who Yvan takes his kindness from (even if the blonde can surely be scary, sometimes, but only whenever a threat tries something against her dearest ones) and Freyr, too, is glad that he managed to make peace with her.

Moreover, he has found out that the both of them hold quite the interest in cuisine, occidental and oriental, and like to try out new recipes.

(Also, he’s the second best option in the house for cooking, so the kitchen has quickly become the place where they could repair--and build--their bond.)

Yvan, on the other hand, has been the trickier one. Freyr didn't expect forgiveness after what he did to both him and his late friend, the young woman whose only fault was to become close with the redhead. Back then the man only wanted to break the younger's mind, so it would only be natural for Yvan to resent and hate him for all his life.

Imagine the surprise when Yvan himself, after a long period in which he was understandably nervous whenever they were in the same room or their eyes met for a moment, was the one offering a new start to him. It happened sometimes after Krow and Leon were back and Freyr suspected that the oldest Sievert had something to do with that, but he's not complaining about it at all considering the results.

Then... his sons. He hasn't been a very present nor proper father, yes, but his children didn't seem to mind much. Irina has been the one raising them (and isn't that a scary thought, considering the woman's attitude) and the fact that they both have been quite the independent type since early on probably eased the pressure on them.

Still, he wants to get to know them better, Adrian most of all: while he has lived with Zeno since forever, the same can't be said for his oldest son. He has moved back in Russia when he was old enough to take care of himself, apparently to help Irina's father with his business and to continue his training.

(Freyr still thinks that Vladimir isn't the type to need help, and that if anything serious happened both Irina and her brother would be the first to take action, but that's an opinion he isn't ready to voice out.)

Still, Zeno. He has never been one to mind the spartan training he received from both his parents, probably because it's nearly impossible to hurt him physically--it's a good thing that his ability manifested as early as Yvan's, after all. The kid always spoke to him in a respectful yet seemingly uninterested way, one that reminded him of his wife on her "bored days".

(He now knows better than that: it's just Zeno's personality, level-headed and quiet, that makes him act like that.)

There's more Freyr wants to do and to say, to all of them and then someone more, but he's decided to make amends first and build his relationships in a better way.

He still feels lonely sometimes, he wouldn’t lie. However, whenever his train of thought shifts towards a “bad side”, there’s always someone who pokes their nose in his business.

 

As annoying as that sounds, he’s glad to be finally seen.